I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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