8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
