Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
where are my eyebrows?
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