She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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