i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
