Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
