hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
