opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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