Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
