he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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