i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
