i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
