i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
