my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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