no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
