Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
