rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
