I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
