Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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