i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
