I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
