3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
