I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
