Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I forget how to act sober
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
