He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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