sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
