I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
