i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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