over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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