I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
