I smell stomach acid.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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