well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
