you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
