I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
