I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
