I like to think it a success when the cops are called
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
