They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
