honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
