I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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