I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
