shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
