doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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