im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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