Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
