Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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