i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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