im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
