Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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