I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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