apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You made out with two different species that night
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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