I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
