did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
