We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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