I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
