she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i think im in europe. pls send help
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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