I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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