sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
