Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
